Noobhammer!

The ongoing adventures of a group of new D&D players in their first game
Welcome to Telisar. This site is a compendium of information about Noobhammer!, a Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition campaign I am running for a few of my friends. We've been playing twice a month (mostly!) since November 2017, and we're still going strong. Below you'll find recent session summaries and lore, including short stories, worldbuilding, homebrew mechanics, and whatever else I come up with. I also maintain a beastiary containing homebrew critters I have used to...entertain the party. Thanks for visiting!   --evilchili

Recent Sessions

Episode 67: Leverage

Thordag, 4th of the Fox, 3207 ME The party slowly, stealthily made their way through the streets of Uman and successfully retreated back to Whisper’s tower, outside the walls and across the Throm. They quickly set to work on trying to break the cipher protecting the contents of Madame Elethi’s ledger, knowing that their freedom depended on providing Bartok Brescht an alternative to declaring them responsible for the murder of nearly 50 people at Elethi’s tower.

Episode 66: Politics And Justice

Wodag, 3rd of the Fox, 3207 ME (continued) Ara and Yuna closed on the vampire spawn to defend Magnus while Keen assisted Whisper and Sirlius in scaling the shaft. The vampire was quickly dispatched, and the party briefly debated returning to Elethi’s vault to see what else could be retrieved from the supply cache, before Keen, Whisper and Sirlius simply climbed back down the rope.

Episode 65: The Instruments of Debt

Wodag, 3rd of the Fox, 3207 ME Sabetha quickly approached the tower and entered without invitation, greeting the party with a silent, expectant look. Whisper produced Madame Elethi’s ledger, and passed it over. Taking it, Sabetha commented in her odd telepathic voice that she almost couldn’t believe it: the party has against all probability slain Madame Elethi, an ancient and powerful vampire that has held the political world of Uman under her thumb for centuries, and here in her hands she holds the proof.

Episode 64: The Longest Rest

Wodag, 3rd of the Fox, 3207 ME Having escaped the grounds of Madame Elethi’s Finishing School For Girls unseen, the party decided to hastily leave the area. As they made their way through the 4th Tier, eastwards towards the Grand Stair, they saw a pair of guards racing from the main gate of the school ahead of them to alert the city Watch – apparently evidence of their encounter with the erstwhile Madame Elethi had been discovered.

Episode 63: Madame Elethi's Ledger, Part III

Mimdag, 2nd of the Fox, 3207 ME Now then,” said Madame Elethi, “Mr. Keen, perhaps we can speak without reservations, as friends do. Let us discuss the possibility of working together, to our mutual benefit, yes?” “Keen?” said Sirlius, in a worried tone.

Recent Lore

Yuna's Dream

Your mother stands before you, watching your childhood home burn. You call to her, but she does not respond, You reach out, touch her shoulder to turn her away from the flames, but try as you will she only has her back to you.

Whisper's Dream

It’s gone! It was here! It was right… You search frantically through the treasure of entire lifetime, knee-high on the floor. Baubles, trinkets, toys and tools and wondrous artefacts fly left and right as you become more panicked.

Sirlius's Dream

You stand in the middle of an empty street, the city looming and twisting all about you. Everywhere is iron, black and pitted. Gates, doors, window frames, roof tiles, gargoyles, all blackened, covered in ferric soot.

Elethi's Vault

The circular lift ends its descent at a small landing before an archway of stone leading to a low-ceilinged room about 60 feet across: Madame Elethi’s Vault. Bolted to the stone of the archway is a plaque, with a curious inscription and an oddly-shaped lightning bolt inscribed with small circles.

The Fey Courts

The Feywild is ruled, to the extent a plane of existence composed of semi-material, nondeterministic manifestations of story can be ruled at all, by two opposing royal courts: Summer, and Winter.